7 Tools to Show Muggers Who’s Boss (That Would Be You)

These are dangerous times. And since you can't just keep throwing your wallet at attackers and running, you'd better learn to defend yourself. Here are seven tools that will help you walk the mean streets without fear.

Taser X26C

The latest generation of Taser drops an attacker with 50,000 volts. It uses a compressed nitrogen projection system to deliver its shaped charges up to 15 feet (and through up to an inch of clothing, flesh, or whathaveyou) while the T-Wave technology allows it to work even through bullet-proof vests. If you miss with the projectiles, you can still use the X26C as a standard, close-range stun gun. $1000

Wildfire Defensive Spray

Habanero peppers have a rating of 350,000 Scoville Heat Units. Wildfire Defensive Spray has a rating of 3,000,000 SHU. Containing 18% Oleo Resin Capsicum, this stuff burns like gonorrhea of the eyes. $30

Mini Stun Baton

Remember those cutesy "Glow Rods" the police of New Angeles used in Demoliton Man? This is the Glow Rod's pissed off cousin, LeRoy. The Mini Stun Baton delivers a whopping 4.5 million volts—just activating it is enough to set the air crackling with current. 3-5 seconds of contact is enough to leave an assailant twitching on the ground for a solid 5 minutes; giving you plenty of time to tie him up, call the cops, and maybe make a sandwich if you're feeling peckish. $65

Personal Alarm with Flashlight

Just because you're the "intended victim" doesn't mean you have to fight alone. Activate the 130db screamer on this personal alarm to alert everyone within earshot, living or dead, to your plight. Then use the included flashlight while you make a run for it. $15

Kubaton

The Kubaton is an ancient self-defense device consisting of a 5.5" cylinder (originally made of wood or stone, they're mostly now made of aluminum or steel). The Kubaton adds add power to normal punches (by preventing your fist from compressing as much, transferring more force into the target) and its pointed end can also be used to get all stabby an attacker's vital points. If used properly, a Kubaton will allow you to drop, even potentially kill, your assailant with a single strike. $5-30

Benchmade 1100 Series Tactical Pen

If you're having trouble fitting a 6" Kubaton into your skinny jeans, get yourself a tactical pen. Shaped and used just like a Kubaton, the Benchmade 1100 terminates in a vicious carbide tip. $120

The Tire Thumper

Originally developed by long-haul truckers as a means of quickly testing their tire pressure, the Tire Thumper is equally effective testing the pressure inside an attacker's skull. Essentially a sawed-off Louisville, the Thumper is constructed from 19" of Cedar and makes an imposing bludgeon as you swing wildly and yell out quotes from "Over the Top" $23