Exclusive: Paris Hilton Interview

Hi Paris, thanks for agreeing to the interview. I’ve got a few questions I’d like to ask you.
The only rule is don't be boring.

Ok, I’ll try my best.

It hurts that, you know, the media's made me into sort of this like punching bag or cartoon character - they think that I don't have any feelings, and, you know, it hurts like anyone else.

Yes, I can imagine. Could you tell our readers a little bit about yourself?

I’m an actress, a brand, a businesswoman. I’m all kinds of stuff.

And you’re heiress to the Hilton Hotel empire?

I don't want to be known as the Hilton heiress, because I didn't do anything for that.

But you are famous originally because of that?

 Not every heiress is famous. Or fun. There are a lot of boring heiresses out there.

So your family own hotels all over the world?

Yes, New York, London, Paris.

Ah, so there is actually a Paris Hilton?

Yes, there is.

Is it hard to get into the Paris Hilton?

 Not really.

Can I take my video camera?

I'm judged because of something that an ex-boyfriend did to me. I'm not a slut at all. I've only had a few boyfriends. And I don't even do anything with anyone - it's just the media making stuff up ... I'm far less promiscuous than any of my friends.

Well you have no need to worry here, Paris. We at the Gringo Times don’t make stuff up. We’re famous for reporting the news as it happens, when it happens – even if it doesn’t.

Can I ask you a personal question?

I’m not like that smart. I like forget stuff all the time.

Ok, well this is an easy one - do you look forward to hitting the big three oh?

Someone told me you start liking sex when you hit 30 - but we'll see.

So you don’t like sex now?

It's sexier when a girl is flirty but she doesn't do anything.

I guess – but wouldn’t that be construed as teasing?

A lot of women feel it's a man's world. Some people think all you need to do is marry a rich guy, and you don't need to do anything with your life.... I would hate that. I don't care whether he has money or he doesn't, because I don't need it, and that's a good feeling that I don't have to worry about that.

Well I don’t have a lot of money - would you like to come out later for a coffee?

I don’t have sex unless I’m in a relationship. I’m old-fashioned when it comes to that. I really am!

Ah, my apologies – I wasn’t suggesting that. How about a donut?

I turn down perverted things, some sex things. Like a Paris Hilton blow-up doll ... They were like, 'They'll sell for $50,000 each, it'll be the real-life you.' And I'm like, 'I really don't want a real-life me with anyone, anywhere. No!

Look, there’s a party later at a friend of mine’s. Do you fancy coming?

At parties, everyone always thinks I'm drinking - but actually I rarely drink. I live on energy drinks, basically. I love vitamin water. I have cases in my house. I drink energy drinks and vitamin water all night. That's how I manage to stay up late and never smudge my makeup or mess up my hair. You can see all these girls leaving a party at the end of the night, and they look terrible because they were too out of it to reapply their makeup or even glance in a mirror. This is a huge mistake. People remember how you look when you leave as much as they remember how you looked when you arrived.

That’s fine, I don’t mind if you don’t drink. That means you can drive me home. So you’ll come?

I don't enjoy going out anymore ... It's such a pain. It's everyone saying, 'Let's do a deal! Can I have a picture?' I'm just, like, 'These people are such losers. I can't believe I used to love doing this.

Would you rather come to the cinema with me?

I'd rather not do anything. Guys want you more when you don't. Young girls should know that.

Ok, but I hear you’re going to the Oscars next week. If I come, what should I wear?

You need to look like a lady at the Oscars. Otherwise, Joan Rivers will tear you apart. Then again, you aren't really anyone till Joan Rivers tears you apart. So wait until you are someone, then dress like a lady at the Oscars.

But Paris – I am someone. Why should I look like a lady? I’m happy being a man. Is that not enough?

There is no sin worse in life than being boring - and nothing worse than letting other people tell you what to do. I was one of the few heiresses to walk the runway as a model. A lot of people thought that was shocking. Why did I do it? Was it a desperate cry for attention, like the papers said? Hardly. It's not like I need any more attention. Did I do it for money? Of course not. Modeling doesn't pay that well, anyway, unless you're Gisele or Cindy Crawford, or, like Patti Hansen, you get to marry a rock star. I did it because it was fun.

Yes, I tried modelling once. But I never felt that confident.

No matter what a woman looks like, if she's confident, she's sexy.

So aside from the parties, and spending money, what else do you get up to.

People can't believe how hard I work.... I love it. I think it just runs through my veins. My great-grandfather was a bellboy and had a dream to do a hotel chain, so I think I get it from him.

So you work, what every day?

You should live everyday like it's your birthday.

Well, I guess I’d love to, but some of us do actually have to work.

I’m like an American princess.

Ah, and some people said you were spoilt.

I'm totally normal. I think it's obnoxious when people demand limos or bodyguards. I eat at McDonald's or Taco Bell. My parents always taught us to be humble. We're not spoiled.

Obviously, in America now there are a great number of famous socialites. Do you mix with them much?

I didn’t want to be like all these socialites – they sit at home, and go to the debutant ball, and marry some rich guy and that’s it. That’s all they do. I wanted to do my own thing so I could buy whatever I want, do whatever I want.

And is this something you’ve always wanted?

I first wanted to be a veterinarian. And then I realised you had to give them shots to put them to sleep, so I decided I'd just buy a bunch of animals and have them in my house instead.

What sort of animals did you get?

Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything.

Do you really mean that? Have you got a tiger already?

I got my eye on you boy, and when I get my eye on something, it's like search and destroy.

But as I said, I haven’t got a lot of money – can you get some from your rich dad?

People are going to judge me: "Paris Hilton, she uses money to get what she wants." Whatever, I haven't accepted money from my parents since I was 18. I've worked my ass off. I have things no heiress has. I've done it all on my own, like a hustler.

Do you feel that the media singles you out?

There's nobody in the world like me. I think every decade has an iconic blonde -like Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana - and right now, I'm that icon.

Erh, they both died tragically.

I don't think there's ever been anyone like me that's lasted. And I'm going to keep lasting.

Paris, forgive me for saying this, but sometimes I think you’re evading the question?

I play dumb like Jessica Simpson plays dumb. But we know exactly what we're doing. We're smart blondes.

Ok, look Paris. I’m gonna have to cut this interview short as I’m late for my lobotomy. Do you mind if I tattoo “Gringo” on your butt and dip you in treacle?

“Life is too short to blend in.”