8 Signs He's Totally Into You

Unfortunately, after a first date, it's rarely as simple as: "I like you, I had fun, let's get together again."

I'm coy after a first date because:I don't want to look too eager/desperate. I won't ignore my attraction, but I'll at least try to temper it.

I want to look like I have a life. Even though I don't have a life, I might try to look a little aloof.
I'm not sure if you like me. It's scary to take the dive and show I'm interested when I'm not sure if the girl is interested.

Despite attempts to look calm, cool, and collected, there are a number a things I'll do around an initial date that clue you in that I'm interested. Here are a few:

Completing the Date

It may not indicate that you're the apple of my eye, but it does indicate that you're not a total disaster. Most people are courteous enough to do the absolute minimum on a date: finish whatever activity you're doing together and devote sufficient time out of respect for the other person. But some situations are such utter disaster, things must be cut short. 

I once went out with a girl who spewed embarrassingly stupid things I couldn't respond to.  Finally, I suggested changing plans to meet up with my buddies.  Once a date is officially a bust, I'll look for any way out.

One on One

If I'm into you, and comfortable, I won't want to "share" you. A common tactic to combat a boring date is calling in "reinforcement" friends to "dilute" you. I'm naturally talkative with those around me, but if I invite everyone else around us into our party, I might be looking for a more interesting outlet.

Extending the Date

Suggesting something (other than going back to someone's place) after dinner like taking a walk, grabbing a drink, going for dessert, catching a movie, etc., indicates I'm asking for an encore. Although a masochist like myself might ask a girl to spend more time with me if I'm not enjoying her company.

Suggesting Another Date

Sometimes I get so excited during a first date I play my cards by suggesting other things we should do together. A common time to suggest another date is at the end of the date, though some guys just say this to be friendly. But it can't be bad if the guy is enthusiastic enough to suggest a second date. He just has to make good on his word.

Friendly Follow-Up Right After You Say Good-bye

Sometimes after a date, I'll text the girl telling her I had a great time, out of sheer giddiness. If I'm not interested after the date, I'll head straight home and begin my process of fading out of this girl's life (following up is not part of that process).

Striking While the Iron's Hot

I'll appear to be flaky or uninterested if I wait too long. If I enjoyed the date I'll contact her within a few days. This doesn't necessarily mean I'm asking her out again just yet. I'm just keeping the conversation going. If I'm not interested, I won't ever contact her again. Regardless of how great you thought things went, if he doesn't contact you again he's clearly not interested.

Consistency

Hold me to a higher standard than one extra date, or one call back after the initial date. How many times have you gone on a few dates only to have it fizzle out? You can't be sure I'm interested until we've gone out consistently for more than a month.

Non-Cliché Dates/Spontaneity

Take notice when I ask you to do random little things: run errands, go to the park. It's that next step when I'm getting to know you and showing you I want you around whenever, wherever. Spending this "informal" time with you indicates I'm interested.

Remember, guys sometimes act interested just to get laid, and there are guys who feel guilty cutting a date short when it's not going well. "Trying to be nice" actually sends the wrong signals if a guy is not interested.

My advice: Use these indicators as guidelines (they usually build on each other as things progress). Be vigilant, because reading the signals incorrectly will get you hurt. Hopefully you'll meet a good guy who is sending honest signals.

How do you show you're interested after a first date? Do you wait for a guy to make the next move after a first date? What signals are you looking for in guys after a first date? Do you agree with my signals, and that it's tough to read them in the beginning?

Women prefer sex over Men

 Researchers have found that acts of affection like hugs and kisses were more important to men than women.
And for women, sex tends to get better over time - after a couple has been together about 15 years.
Researchers surveyed over 1,000 couples from five different countries who had been in relationships for between one and 51 years.






 Men who reported frequent kissing and cuddling were three times as happy, on average, as those who had less snuggling with their wives or girlfriends.
Women, meanwhile, said that such shows of affection had very little impact on their happiness.
Both men and women reported their sex lives improving the longer their relationship had lasted.
But men were more likely to say they were happy with their relationship while women were more likely to report being satisfied with the sex.
The survey of couples from the US, Germany, Spain, Japan and Brazil was carried out by researchers from the Kinsey Institute at America's Indiana University.

Lead author Julia Heiman said that the first 15 years of a relationship may be emotionally draining for women while they are raising children. As they get older, they have fewer pressures.
"It's possible that women became more sexually satisfied over time because their expectations change or life changes when their children grow up," the Telegraph quoted Heiman.


"The period of less satisfaction seems to overlap with the period of raising children, during which other things really take a focus," added Heiman.
The findings about intimacy were the opposite of what researchers had expected, she revealed.
She said: "We became interested in relationships that endure and how might we begin to understand them.
"Cuddles were more important to men in predicting the degree of happiness.
"The really useful message is we should not make presumptions about the genders.
"Because there's no way to be sure we're going to be right in any way."

10 Things Your Dad Never Told You About Sex

Image by Cayusa

How did you learn about the finer points of sex? Maybe you watched that awkward sex education video that was filmed a good 20 years before your time and made sex out to be a clinical and methodical process. Some schools had in-class demonstrations of your 60-something teacher delicately peeling a condom down over a banana like some giant, yellow (and slightly curved) penis. The mere thought of that image alone is enough to remain celibate and move to a monastery in Tibet for the rest of your life! Other people found out about sex by getting stuck in to a good old fumble session in the drama studio during a free period. Whatever your story, it’s likely you had the talk from your old man at some point as well.

Talking about sex can be uncomfortable, particularly for a dad with his teenage son. A sex ed talk from your father usually consists of the following:

• Wear a condom.
• Treat the girl with respect.
• Don’t rush her.
• Save yourself for the right girl.

Of course, none of this prepares us for the harsh reality of a proper sexual encounter. Our fathers have failed us in our pursuit for sexual enlightenment. With this in mind, I present to you The 10 Things Your Dad Never Told You About Sex (But Really Should Have).

#10 – Sex Fetishes

Image by lowfreq

I really wish my father had told me what a fetish was before I started having sex. The first time a woman asked me if I was into “Formicophilia” I thought she was speaking Italian to me. It turns out she got a real sexual kick out of having bugs, insects and creepy crawlies all over her genitals and wanted to share this delightful experience with me. Apparently fetishes are a normal variation of human sexuality which range from vanilla to just plain weird. I don’t mind a bit of biting and spanking every now and again but I draw the line at inviting cockroaches to the party. Make sure you know a bit about fetishes before engaging in sex because nobody wants to find out their girlfriend has a scat fetish after the fact.

#9 – It’s not like a porno movie

Image by sneet

Imagine my surprise when, after years of watching Jenna Jameson bounce up and down on multiple guys and screaming with pleasure, I finally lost my virginity to a shy little red head with a freckled face, glasses and braces on her teeth. I thought sex would be all about screaming, dirty orgasms and filthy talk. Not only that, I thought that every seemingly innocent situation could be initiated into impromptu sex. If my friends mum offered me a cup of tea while we waited for him to get home from work, I thought she might jump my bones any second. Alas, it never happened. As for the red head, it was less like a speeding train and more like a brisk walk. Sex is nothing like it appears in porn. (unless you happen to be dating a porn star)

#8 – Pace yourself

Image by karigaile

As a knock-on effect of the porn delusions I suffered from, I thought that going at it hammer-and-tongs for long periods of time was the norm. Those porn stars could last forever and so I was utterly disappointed when my encounter with the shy red head lasted a mere 2 minutes before I rolled over and fell asleep. If you’ve never heard the story of the tortoise and the hare, I’m sure it related to sex. Women want a stallion who can last the distance and although sometimes a quickie can be just as fun, nobody wants it to be over before it’s even begun.

#7 – Headaches are no excuse not to have sex

Image by mareen

At 21, my girlfriend of the time regularly used to tell me she wasn’t in the mood for a bit of nookie because she ‘had a headache’. New evidence has come to light though which says that the female orgasm releases endorphins (a natural painkiller). This means that sex is a headache cure. I’d go as far as to use this to try and have sex with your girlfriend for any number of ailments. Broken leg? Sex can ease your pain, baby. Your (hot)friend has a broken heart? I’ll give her an orgasm to make her feel better. Genital herpes? Er…you’re on your own there, darling.

#6 – Threesomes are not as common as you think

Image by willradik

A combination of porn and ‘true story’ articles in Maxim and FHM had me growing up thinking that a threesome was a natural part of everyday life and would happen regularly. After losing a couple of girlfriends through requests for their big-bosomed friend to join us for a session, I began to lose faith. Some people claim that “M?nage ? trois” is actually French for “In your dreams”. While I’m sure many people have had threesomes (or more) with other women, the sad reality is that the threesomes we could have would most often involve not another woman, but another man.

#5 – Impotence is a grounds for divorce

Image by szane67

In over 20 states in America, impotence can be cited as the grounds for a marriage breakdown and subsequent divorce. I’m sure a few wealthy businessmen who didn’t see the need for a pre-nup are now kicking themselves for their shortsightedness. It’s not enough that men have the burden of pleasuring the woman they love and rising to the occasion every time. Now we have the added pressure that if we can’t get it up and give our wife a good seeing to, she can divorce us. If you weren’t suffering from penile dysfunction before, you may well do now! I think there should be another reason for divorce created to cite women who don’t have the necessary fellatio skills to keep a man at full mast. Believe me, I’ve met a few of them.

#4 – Most women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm

Image by diglesias

What? My dad never told me that. All these years I’ve been performing the sexual equivalent of stuffing a turkey and I never knew it. A lot of guys don’t even think about her pleasure during sex because it’s so easy to get lost in the moment. Thinking about it from a female perspective though, it makes sense. In, out. In, out. In, out. Yeah, I can see how that might get a bit boring after a while. The key is to master the clit using your fingers, tongue and any other body part you think can do the job. One of the best positions to get her clit going is doggy style with a manual reacharound. Try it and become a stud today.

#3 – Your penis can explode

I’ve watched an entire TV documentary on sex disasters and things that go wrong during sex and it has changed the way I look at sex forever. I remember one in particular involving a Romanian man and his sexy 18 year-old girlfriend. If you’ve ever had an erection so hard you felt like it could burst, imagine how this guy felt. His erection was so hard, firm and manly that the blood cavities in the penis actually burst. Can I get an overwhelming “Ouch!” from the guys reading this? And it’s not just your penis exploding you need to worry about. There’s something a lot more common that nobody told me about until it happened to me. The dreaded ‘banjo string’. If you don’t know what the banjo string is, it’s the piece of skin between the penis and the foreskin and is officially known as the frenulum. If you’ve been circumcised congratulations, you probably haven’t even got a banjo string. If you haven’t, there is a good chance that rough sex can ’snap’ this little bit of skin and it bloody hurts. And bleeds. A lot.

#2 – Only 1 in 400 men can give themselves oral sex

Image by DanOrange

While it’s not surprising that only 1 man out of every 400 has the size and/or flexibility to perform fellatio on themselves, what is really embarrassing is that most of, if not all of, the 400 men have tried to give themselves oral. I find it a slap in the face to evolution that men created the wheel, flew to the moon, invented electricity and learnt to fly, yet they still attempted to suck themselves off in the bathroom. If you’re laughing while you read this, then chances are you’ve tried this yourself. If you have a smug grin on your face while you read this, then maybe you should consider a career in porn.

#1 – Men have a G-spot too

Image by mzocher

Men actually have a spot which, when stimulated, can induce pleasure in much the same way as the female G-spot. The irony of this is that to pleasure ourselves in this way we have to explore areas of our body that most straight men would prefer not to explore. For some reason, our prostate is the source of this pleasure and it happens to be buried deep in our dirtbox. If you want to explore the joy of rubbing this sacred spot, you need to insert one (or two if you’re feeling brave) fingers directly into your anus. I experienced this completely by accident one evening when an ex-girlfriend decided to surprise me with an impromptu anal probing. Needless to say, I have mixed feelings about the whole thing as a result. If you’re brave enough to try it, lube up. Trust me, it won’t be anywhere near as enjoyable going in dry.

I had to learn all of this (and much, much more) through my own investigation and experimentation because my father only ever gave me two pieces of advice before I became sexually active:

1. Shag as many women as you can while you’re still young.
2. Don’t get her pregnant or bring home any infections.

If you have any sex information or advice that you think people should know about, or you want to share the key points of your own sex talk with your dad, leave a message in the comments. Ladies, feel free to comment too on things guys do wrong in the sack or things they should do more often and if your mother gave you some brilliant sex advice then for the love of God, please share it with us too.

Sex is in the brain, for women

The brain may play a key role in some 40 percent of women who experience sexual dysfunction with lack of sexual interest, researchers said.

Such women, ages 18-59, experience sexual dysfunction with lack of sexual interest called hypoactive sexual desire disorder, known as HSDD.

Bruce Arnow and Dr. Leah Millheiser of Stanford Hospital & Clinics said the trial involved 16 women diagnosed with HSDD, along with 20 normal control subjects, who took part in the study involving brain scans. All subjects identified themselves as heterosexual.

Subjects were shown erotic video segments interspersed among footage of female sporting events. The segments were separated by intervening tranquil sequences of such subjects as flowers, mountains or ocean waves to bring the women's brains to a resting state between more active segments.

The subjects' brain activity was monitored by functional magnetic-resonance imaging. The women also reported their subjective levels of sexual arousal throughout the viewing, while the researchers collected objective measurements of the women's level of genital arousal.

The findings, published in the journal Neuroscience, found activity patterns throughout most of the brain were more or less identical among the HSDD and normal groups, but with a few notable exceptions. There was a bigger jump in relative activity in three brain areas of HSDD women -- the medial frontal gyrus, right inferior frontal gyrus and bilateral putamen -- compared with the control subjects when shown the erotic clips.

10 Things Not to Say to a Guy After Sex

So, we had sex. Awesome! But then you decided to go all John Madden and offer some post-game commentary. Follow Madden's lead some more, and retire from this perilous pastime.

And if you do keep talking, make sure you don't utter one of these confidence-kryptonite phrases, guaranteed to bum us out and blanket the post-romp air with awkwardness.

10. "That was nice."
Did we just leave a community theater production of "Our Town"? If you enjoyed yourself, that's fantastic. In fact, that was probably our only goal during the session. But, please, use any other word to describe it-"hot," "amazing," or "incredible" are good starters.

9. "Whaddya wanna do now?"
Often said in conjunction with finished homework, this question makes us thinks you viewed the sex as a chore.

8. "Why'd you stop?"
God must've needed a laugh. That's the only explanation we can think of.

7. "Are you OK?"
If we start crying, forgo the sympathy and just pretend not to notice. Seriously, though -- we're in bliss. The last thing we want is to feel self-conscious.



6. "It's not you, it's me!"
This one is salvageable, because we can reply with, "You're right. You're just too hot for a normal man to handle." Although, chances are we're too busy trying to fashion a noose out of the bed sheets to notice.

5. "Man, I'm starving."
This implies that, the whole time we were trying to please you, you were thinking about food -- which we're not (for once!).

4. "Wanna try again?"
Even the most goal-oriented dudes will shudder at the word "try" as it relates to the bedroom. Between the sheets isn't the place for the Little Engine That Could.

3. "Everyone has an off night."
Off night? Oh, right. Yeah. Too bad you're not the girl we hooked up with last weekend. We rocked her world.

2. "Do you mind if I finish myself?"
Of course not. But, rather than ask permission, just go for it. The show will definitely help stitch up our wounded ego.

1. "It happens to lots of guys."
If you utter this phrase -- the single most abhorred combination of words in the history of spoken language -- then you deserve not to be satisfied.

No dating, thanks, just sex

Dating culture is dead - instead, young New Zealand women are regularly getting drunk and cruising around in packs looking for men to have sex with.

That's one of the findings of a TVNZ Sunday investigation into the sexual behaviour of New Zealand women. The programme makers did the story after Kiwi women last year topped the Durex Sexual Wellbeing Global Survey as the world's most promiscuous.

They are reported to have an average of 20 sexual partners, double that of their Australian and British counterparts and almost three times the global average of seven.

TVNZ Sunday correspondent Janet McIntyre said there was anecdotal evidence from the five women on the show that the Durex survey findings were valid.

"There's a new kind of mating ritual sex is the point of entry into the relationship."

If the first-up sex wasn't any good women weren't prepared to waste their time progressing the relationship.

"There's no dating culture any more." In candid interviews about their sexual experiences some of the women who are all in their twenties felt empowered by having sex and wanted to celebrate and enjoy it.

McIntyre said all the women who had experienced one-night stands had been affected by alcohol, a term described by at least one expert in a report as "getting pissed and hooking up".

Men are also feeling the impact from the new sexual tactics being employed by women.

The Sunday Star-Times' Being a Bloke survey last year found that 29% of the 5000 men surveyed felt they had been pressured into having sex or had had sex unwillingly.

History Studends have the most Sex

Historians enjoy the most active sex lives according to a survey of students at Oxford University.

The survey of more than 850 students by Oxford University student newspaper Cherwell also revealed that students who do not have sex more than once a month are most likely to get a first in their degree.

But students who claimed to have a more active sex life are more likely to attain a 2:1 or 2:2 in their degree.

Historians were found to claim to be more sexually active than any other undergraduate, closely followed by students studying politics, philosophy, economics and English literature.

According to the responses gathered by Cherwell, the most promiscuous colleges at Oxford University were Somerville and New, whilst in contrast, it was University College that had the greatest proportion of virgins.

The survey revealed that 15 per cent of students were still to lose their virginity.

More generally, however, the survey also threw up concerning results with regard to sexual health.

Although a mere 5% of students confessed to having had a sexually transmitted disease (STD) – much lower than the national average of one in three people – around half of respondents admitted to having unprotected sex.

Approximately 59% of students said they had never been tested for an STD.

Sam Tucker, a spokesman for St Anne's College, said he thought that the reason for a relatively high number of students having unprotected sex could stem from lack of knowledge about the risks.

He said: "I think people sometimes don't realise the consequences of their actions.

"If we make it easier for condoms to be accessible and to be obtained anonymously, then this number should drop."

Women with emotional intelligence have better sex lives

BEAUTY may bag you a man - but brains will bring you more fun in the bedroom.

Women blessed with "emotional intelligence" - the ability to express their feelings and read those of others - have better sex lives, research shows.

Those most in touch with their feelings have twice as many orgasms as inhibited sorts, the study found.

The finding could lead to new ways of counselling the 40 per cent of women who find it difficult or impossible to enjoy sex fully.

Researcher Tim Spector of King's College London said there were definite advantages to being a touchy-feely type.

"These findings show that emotional intelligence is an advantage in many aspects of your life, including the bedroom," he said.

Professor Spector questioned more than 2,000 female twins, aged between 18 and 83, about their sex lives.

They were asked to rate their ability to reach orgasm on a seven-point scale, ranging from "never" to "always".

They also filled in a questionnaire designed to gauge their emotional intelligence and covering traits such as self expression, empathy and contentment.

Those most in touch with their feelings had the most orgasms, the Journal of Sexual Medicine reports.

Lead author, psychologist Andrea Burri, also of King's College, London, said: "Emotional intelligence seems to have a direct impact on women's sexual functioning by influencing her ability to communicate her sexual expectations and desires to her partner.'"

Emotional intelligence may also make it easier for women to fantasise while in the bedroom.

Relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr said it was difficult, but not impossible, for women to lose their inhibitions.

Dr Spurr, whose books include Sizzling Sex and Fabulous Foreplay, said: 'It is not easy, the way we express ourselves is very habitual and affects our relationships and sexual relationships.

'It is not about waving a magic wand, it takes someone who is committed to learning new ways of communicating, to being open to intimacy and to putting their emotional self out there."

Other research has concluded that foreplay adds little to a woman's overall enjoyment of sex.

The main event itself is far more important, the study found. The recent finding contradicts traditional bedroom etiquette, which dictates that men must take it slow.

More than 2,300 women were quizzed about their sex lives for the study, with questions covering the division of time between foreplay and intercourse, and how often the women had an orgasm.

"In contrast to the assumptions of many sex therapists and educators, more attention should be given to improve quality and duration of intercourse rather than foreplay," the Scottish and Czech Republic researchers stated.

Women with emotional intelligence have better sex lives

BEAUTY may bag you a man - but brains will bring you more fun in the bedroom.

Women blessed with "emotional intelligence" - the ability to express their feelings and read those of others - have better sex lives, research shows.

Those most in touch with their feelings have twice as many orgasms as inhibited sorts, the study found.

The finding could lead to new ways of counselling the 40 per cent of women who find it difficult or impossible to enjoy sex fully.

Researcher Tim Spector of King's College London said there were definite advantages to being a touchy-feely type.

"These findings show that emotional intelligence is an advantage in many aspects of your life, including the bedroom," he said.

Professor Spector questioned more than 2,000 female twins, aged between 18 and 83, about their sex lives.

They were asked to rate their ability to reach orgasm on a seven-point scale, ranging from "never" to "always".

They also filled in a questionnaire designed to gauge their emotional intelligence and covering traits such as self expression, empathy and contentment.

Those most in touch with their feelings had the most orgasms, the Journal of Sexual Medicine reports.

Lead author, psychologist Andrea Burri, also of King's College, London, said: "Emotional intelligence seems to have a direct impact on women's sexual functioning by influencing her ability to communicate her sexual expectations and desires to her partner.'"

Emotional intelligence may also make it easier for women to fantasise while in the bedroom.

Relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr said it was difficult, but not impossible, for women to lose their inhibitions.

Dr Spurr, whose books include Sizzling Sex and Fabulous Foreplay, said: 'It is not easy, the way we express ourselves is very habitual and affects our relationships and sexual relationships.

'It is not about waving a magic wand, it takes someone who is committed to learning new ways of communicating, to being open to intimacy and to putting their emotional self out there."

Other research has concluded that foreplay adds little to a woman's overall enjoyment of sex.

The main event itself is far more important, the study found. The recent finding contradicts traditional bedroom etiquette, which dictates that men must take it slow.

More than 2,300 women were quizzed about their sex lives for the study, with questions covering the division of time between foreplay and intercourse, and how often the women had an orgasm.

"In contrast to the assumptions of many sex therapists and educators, more attention should be given to improve quality and duration of intercourse rather than foreplay," the Scottish and Czech Republic researchers stated.

Intelligent women enjoy sex more than 'bimbos', research finds

Women with brains have more fun in bed than the average bimbo, new research suggests

A study of more than 2,000 female twins showed that those with greater emotional intelligence had larger numbers of orgasms.

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to monitor and manage feelings and emotions in oneself and others.

The findings suggest that low EI is a risk factor for female orgasmic disorder, one of the most common sexual problems suffered by women.

Up to 30 per cent of women find it difficult or impossible to reach a climax during sexual intercourse.

Professor Tim Spector, director of the Twin Research Department at King's College London and co-author of the study, said: "These findings show that emotional intelligence is an advantage in many aspects of your life including the bedroom. This study will help enormously in the development of behavioural and cognitive therapies to improve women's sexual lives."

A total of 2,035 female volunteers from the TwinsUK registry were recruited for the study, ranging in age from 18 to 83.

The registry consists of adult twins who have agreed to take part in studies to investigate the causes of common disorders. Using twins makes it possible to disentangle genetic and environmental risk factors.

All participants completed questionnaires giving details of their sexual behaviour and performance and also answered questions designed to test their emotional intelligence.

A significant association was found between EI and frequency of orgasm both during masturbation and sexual intercourse.

Women in the bottom 25 per cent of the emotional intelligence range had twice the normal risk of infrequent orgasm.

The results of the study appear today in The Journal of Sexual Medicine.

Lead author, psychologist Andrea Burri, also from King's College, said: "Emotional intelligence seems to have a direct impact on women's sexual functioning by influencing her ability to communicate her sexual expectations and desires to her partner."

She added that there was a possible connection with a woman's ability to fantasise during sexual intercourse.

"Emotional intelligence seems to have a direct impact on women's sexual functioning by influencing her ability to communicate her sexual expectations and desires to her partner," said Ms Burri.

Intelligent women enjoy sex more than 'bimbos', research finds

Women with brains have more fun in bed than the average bimbo, new research suggests

A study of more than 2,000 female twins showed that those with greater emotional intelligence had larger numbers of orgasms.

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to monitor and manage feelings and emotions in oneself and others.

The findings suggest that low EI is a risk factor for female orgasmic disorder, one of the most common sexual problems suffered by women.

Up to 30 per cent of women find it difficult or impossible to reach a climax during sexual intercourse.

Professor Tim Spector, director of the Twin Research Department at King's College London and co-author of the study, said: "These findings show that emotional intelligence is an advantage in many aspects of your life including the bedroom. This study will help enormously in the development of behavioural and cognitive therapies to improve women's sexual lives."

A total of 2,035 female volunteers from the TwinsUK registry were recruited for the study, ranging in age from 18 to 83.

The registry consists of adult twins who have agreed to take part in studies to investigate the causes of common disorders. Using twins makes it possible to disentangle genetic and environmental risk factors.

All participants completed questionnaires giving details of their sexual behaviour and performance and also answered questions designed to test their emotional intelligence.

A significant association was found between EI and frequency of orgasm both during masturbation and sexual intercourse.

Women in the bottom 25 per cent of the emotional intelligence range had twice the normal risk of infrequent orgasm.

The results of the study appear today in The Journal of Sexual Medicine.

Lead author, psychologist Andrea Burri, also from King's College, said: "Emotional intelligence seems to have a direct impact on women's sexual functioning by influencing her ability to communicate her sexual expectations and desires to her partner."

She added that there was a possible connection with a woman's ability to fantasise during sexual intercourse.

"Emotional intelligence seems to have a direct impact on women's sexual functioning by influencing her ability to communicate her sexual expectations and desires to her partner," said Ms Burri.

Love, pleasure, duty: Why women have sex?

What makes a woman want to have sex? Is it physical attraction? Love? Loneliness? Jealousy? Boredom? Painful menstrual cramps?

Many women interviewed were having sex purely because they wanted the experience.

It turns out that woman have sex for all of these reasons and more, and that their choices are not arbitrary; there may be evolutionary explanations at work.

Psychologists Cindy Meston and David Buss, both professors at the University of Texas at Austin, decided that the topic of "why women have sex" deserved a book of its own. They've woven scientific research together with a slew of women's voices in their new collaborative work, "Why Women Have Sex," published September 29 by Times Books.

"We do bring in men occasionally by way of contrast, but we wanted to focus exclusively on women so that the complexity of women's sexual psychology was not given the short shrift, so to speak," said Buss, a leading evolutionary psychologist.

The authors conducted a study from June 2006 to April 2009 that asked women whether they had ever had sex for one of 237 reasons, all of which had emerged in a previous study. About 1,000 women contributed their perspectives.

It turns out that women's reasons for having sex range from love to pure pleasure to a sense of duty to curiosity to curing a headache. Some women just want to please their partners, and others want an ego boost.

Research findings

Purposely made partner jealous?
31 percent women vs. 17 percent men have tried to evoke jealousy in a partner.
Had sex out of sense of duty?
84 percent wives vs. 64 percent husbands usually or always comply when a spouse wants sex but they don't.
Partner choice for casual sex?
63 percent of women prefer to have casual sex with a friend vs. 37 percent who prefer sex with a stranger.
Steal someone else's mate?
38 percent of women say they've "poached" someone for a short fling.

Buss said he found it surprising how dramatically and variably sexual experience seemed to influence women's feelings of self-esteem.

"Some sexual experiences that women in our study reported just had devastating effects and long-lasting negative effects on their feelings of self-worth," he said. "But then for others, their sexual experiences provided the soaring height of euphoria and made them feel alive and vibrant."

Meston said some 20-somethings defied the gender stereotypes that women should be more chaste than men and not sleep around as much.

"Many of the women were having sex purely because they wanted the experience, they wanted the adventure, they wanted to see what it was like to be with men of different ethnicities," she said. "Some women said they wanted more notches on the belt. They simply wanted to get rid of their virginity."

Some women have sex to make money, and not just in the conventional manner of prostitution. A woman from California who goes by "Natalie Dylan" garnered national attention this year with her campaign to sell her virginity and said in January that her top bid of $3.8 million came from a 39-year-old Australian.

There are more factors that influence a woman's sex drive than a man's, the authors said, and the factors that make men attractive to women -- personality, sense of humor, self-confidence, status -- are less important considerations for men when they are choosing women.

There is also evidence that sexual arousal is more complicated for women than for men, the authors report.

A study from Meston's lab showed a strong correlation between how erect a man's penis is and how aroused he says he is. By contrast, the link is much weaker between a woman's physical arousal (as measured inside her vagina) and the arousal she says she feels, the researchers found. This is why drugs to treat erectile dysfunction such as Viagra don't work as well in women, the authors said.

That makes sense from an evolutionary perspective, even though men and women may not consciously think about their choices that way, the authors said. If the goal of a man is to spread his genes, he would need to look for signs of fertility in a woman, which are historically associated with physical cues, Buss said.

"The adaptive problem that women have had to solve is not simply picking a man who is fertile but a man who perhaps will invest in her, a man who won't inflict costs on her, a man who might have good genes that could be conveyed to her children," he said.

In this context, women must also be more selective, because wrong choices can lead much higher costs than for men: pregnancy and child-rearing.

In studies, women have consistently shown preferences for men with symmetrical bodies, a subtle mark of genetic fitness and status, the book said. In fact, simply by smelling T-shirts that men had worn for two nights, women judged the odors of symmetrical men to be the most attractive, and the asymmetrical men's odors the least attractive, in one study.

Still, symmetry isn't everything, Meston and Buss said. They pointed to singer-songwriter Lyle Lovett as someone with other positive attributes, such as musical talent and personality, who has clearly done well with women despite asymmetrical features.

"Women are evaluating men on multiple attributes," Buss said.

Kissing also turns out to be more important for women than for men in some respects: In one study, 53 percent of men said they would have sex without kissing, but only 15 percent of women said they would even consider sex without smooching first, the book said. For women, kissing is "an emotional litmus test," the authors wrote.

The medicinal value of sex also comes into play for some women, the book said. Sex can help a woman relax and sleep better, and it can ease the pain of menstrual cramps and headaches -- and some survey participants cited these as reasons they've had sex.

A study from Rutgers University found that, during orgasm, women were able to tolerate 75 percent more pain. Though Meston has not studied the phenomenon in men, she said she would expect sex to have the same effects of reducing headaches and other pain.

The authors collected stories from 1,006 women from 46 states, eight Canadian provinces, three European countries and Australia, New Zealand, Israel and China. Participants came from a variety of ethnic and religious -- as well as non-religious -- backgrounds and socioeconomic statuses. About 80 percent of the women said they were in a relationship at the time, and 93 percent said they were predominantly or exclusively heterosexual.

The book also explores how women's perception of sex may change over time, according to whom they're with and whether they are married.

A 26-year-old heterosexual woman wrote, "When I was single, I had sex for my own personal pleasure. Now that I am married, I have sex to please my husband. My own pleasure doesn't seem as important as his. I believe he feels the same way."

Love, pleasure, duty: Why women have sex?

What makes a woman want to have sex? Is it physical attraction? Love? Loneliness? Jealousy? Boredom? Painful menstrual cramps?

Many women interviewed were having sex purely because they wanted the experience.

It turns out that woman have sex for all of these reasons and more, and that their choices are not arbitrary; there may be evolutionary explanations at work.

Psychologists Cindy Meston and David Buss, both professors at the University of Texas at Austin, decided that the topic of "why women have sex" deserved a book of its own. They've woven scientific research together with a slew of women's voices in their new collaborative work, "Why Women Have Sex," published September 29 by Times Books.

"We do bring in men occasionally by way of contrast, but we wanted to focus exclusively on women so that the complexity of women's sexual psychology was not given the short shrift, so to speak," said Buss, a leading evolutionary psychologist.

The authors conducted a study from June 2006 to April 2009 that asked women whether they had ever had sex for one of 237 reasons, all of which had emerged in a previous study. About 1,000 women contributed their perspectives.

It turns out that women's reasons for having sex range from love to pure pleasure to a sense of duty to curiosity to curing a headache. Some women just want to please their partners, and others want an ego boost.

Research findings

Purposely made partner jealous?
31 percent women vs. 17 percent men have tried to evoke jealousy in a partner.
Had sex out of sense of duty?
84 percent wives vs. 64 percent husbands usually or always comply when a spouse wants sex but they don't.
Partner choice for casual sex?
63 percent of women prefer to have casual sex with a friend vs. 37 percent who prefer sex with a stranger.
Steal someone else's mate?
38 percent of women say they've "poached" someone for a short fling.

Buss said he found it surprising how dramatically and variably sexual experience seemed to influence women's feelings of self-esteem.

"Some sexual experiences that women in our study reported just had devastating effects and long-lasting negative effects on their feelings of self-worth," he said. "But then for others, their sexual experiences provided the soaring height of euphoria and made them feel alive and vibrant."

Meston said some 20-somethings defied the gender stereotypes that women should be more chaste than men and not sleep around as much.

"Many of the women were having sex purely because they wanted the experience, they wanted the adventure, they wanted to see what it was like to be with men of different ethnicities," she said. "Some women said they wanted more notches on the belt. They simply wanted to get rid of their virginity."

Some women have sex to make money, and not just in the conventional manner of prostitution. A woman from California who goes by "Natalie Dylan" garnered national attention this year with her campaign to sell her virginity and said in January that her top bid of $3.8 million came from a 39-year-old Australian.

There are more factors that influence a woman's sex drive than a man's, the authors said, and the factors that make men attractive to women -- personality, sense of humor, self-confidence, status -- are less important considerations for men when they are choosing women.

There is also evidence that sexual arousal is more complicated for women than for men, the authors report.

A study from Meston's lab showed a strong correlation between how erect a man's penis is and how aroused he says he is. By contrast, the link is much weaker between a woman's physical arousal (as measured inside her vagina) and the arousal she says she feels, the researchers found. This is why drugs to treat erectile dysfunction such as Viagra don't work as well in women, the authors said.

That makes sense from an evolutionary perspective, even though men and women may not consciously think about their choices that way, the authors said. If the goal of a man is to spread his genes, he would need to look for signs of fertility in a woman, which are historically associated with physical cues, Buss said.

"The adaptive problem that women have had to solve is not simply picking a man who is fertile but a man who perhaps will invest in her, a man who won't inflict costs on her, a man who might have good genes that could be conveyed to her children," he said.

In this context, women must also be more selective, because wrong choices can lead much higher costs than for men: pregnancy and child-rearing.

In studies, women have consistently shown preferences for men with symmetrical bodies, a subtle mark of genetic fitness and status, the book said. In fact, simply by smelling T-shirts that men had worn for two nights, women judged the odors of symmetrical men to be the most attractive, and the asymmetrical men's odors the least attractive, in one study.

Still, symmetry isn't everything, Meston and Buss said. They pointed to singer-songwriter Lyle Lovett as someone with other positive attributes, such as musical talent and personality, who has clearly done well with women despite asymmetrical features.

"Women are evaluating men on multiple attributes," Buss said.

Kissing also turns out to be more important for women than for men in some respects: In one study, 53 percent of men said they would have sex without kissing, but only 15 percent of women said they would even consider sex without smooching first, the book said. For women, kissing is "an emotional litmus test," the authors wrote.

The medicinal value of sex also comes into play for some women, the book said. Sex can help a woman relax and sleep better, and it can ease the pain of menstrual cramps and headaches -- and some survey participants cited these as reasons they've had sex.

A study from Rutgers University found that, during orgasm, women were able to tolerate 75 percent more pain. Though Meston has not studied the phenomenon in men, she said she would expect sex to have the same effects of reducing headaches and other pain.

The authors collected stories from 1,006 women from 46 states, eight Canadian provinces, three European countries and Australia, New Zealand, Israel and China. Participants came from a variety of ethnic and religious -- as well as non-religious -- backgrounds and socioeconomic statuses. About 80 percent of the women said they were in a relationship at the time, and 93 percent said they were predominantly or exclusively heterosexual.

The book also explores how women's perception of sex may change over time, according to whom they're with and whether they are married.

A 26-year-old heterosexual woman wrote, "When I was single, I had sex for my own personal pleasure. Now that I am married, I have sex to please my husband. My own pleasure doesn't seem as important as his. I believe he feels the same way."

10 Science Fiction Concepts Ruined by Human Nature

The future is a bright, shiny penny of possibilities and if science fiction is to be believed, technological wonders and convenience will be waiting around every corner, not to mention hot aliens and robots to clean up all our messes. It’ll be the lazy deviant’s paradise. But alas, sci fi is such a dreamer it never brings its head out of the clouds long enough to ponder some of the myriad ways mankind, as a whole, can screw up all the wonders that await us. So let’s do that.

Flying Cars

Never mind the logistical issues with this idea, things like fuel and propulsion or the infrastructure necessary to make sky roads. The problem with flying cars comes down to a simple issue that can be expressed as a mathematical equation thusly:

Where X = flying cars, Y = morons behind the wheel, Z = all the future casualties below and $#!t = shit, as in the horrible shitstorm waiting to literally fall on mankind. People can barely manage driving in 2 dimensions, a 3rd one is like giving chimps sling blades and sending them into public schools. People talk on the phone, they eat, they get road head and they run into trees. Add in the terminal velocity that will be included when those same idiots get airborne and suck a pigeon into an exhaust fan and we have a problem. Then toss in everyone who runs out of gas or decided not to worry about getting the carburetor fixed and flying cars basically become steel wrapped meat bombs raining down like a monsoon.

Replicators

Star Trek, perhaps through lazy writing, popularized the idea of a machine that could just make whatever shit you wanted simply by requesting it. Rarely, if ever, was this idea exploited as it so obviously would be in real life, because in the Star Trek universe, humans have no actual human traits like greed or laziness. Other species do and why it’s never mentioned why the greedy races just don’t use replicators to get what they want is anyone’s guess. Regardless, back here on Earth, you can bet your ass that we’d all pretty much never leave the house again if these things existed. Free Cheetos, free tang, free wet naps and flavored lubricants. Why do anything? Need money to pay your bills? Replicate your ass some gold, devalue the dollar, destroy the economy totally and watch the world fall into chaos because someone invented the genie machine.

Alien Relationships

If there’s one thing humankind is known for it’s tolerance. Except for how the exact opposite is true. A sure fire way to get a bug in someone’s ass, other than with a speculum and generous amounts of lubricant is to present to them something they find unnatural. While Star Trek would have us believe Captain Kirk was getting his dick wet in anything that looked like it had a free hole across the universe, the truth is he’d be ostracized from the word go and would most likely have to warn people if he moved into their neighborhoods. There are portions of the world still uncomfortable with interracial couples, let alone interspecies couples. Maybe in time banging your Venusian girlfriend will be as cool as breastfeeding in public but at first, let’s be reasonable, you’d be giving everyone the creeps. Should the day ever come when we make contact with another species and you get friendly, make sure you drive him, her or it out to a secluded spot to see if it has any friendly orifices.

Living on Mars

Humans colonizing space is a popular idea. After all we already spread like herpes across the Earth, surely space is next. The problem with this idea, however, is inherent human laziness. Have you ever gone to visit the inlaws? Grandma? Your lazy-eyed cousin who finally got his own place that stinks of cured meats? The only thing worse than being there is going there. Who the fuck wants to commute to Mars? Despite all the kick ass futuristic shit that’d be there at first, as soon as everyone realized that Mars is the galactic equivalent of a highway rest stop, only the most desperately pathetic people would ever want to spend time there. Emo kids needing solitude and pretentious artsy types who want someplace to think. Mars would become a community college campus in no time.

And even if you are one of those types, what the hell is the point? You going to go on vacation later? Not on Mars, the whole planet may as well be North Dakota. Nope, you’re getting your ass back on a flight to Earth. A flight that’s going to take the better part of a year. Better bring lots of porn.

Robot Servants

Sci Fi has assured us that we will have robot servants one day and that they will hate the shit out of us and kill us to a greater or lesser degree, depending on which film or book you choose to believe. That, in and of itself, is obviously a concern. But that’s not the only problem with artificially intelligent day labor. The real problem is people. People have already shown an unnatural attachment to their Roomba vacuums, those little robot vacuums that putter around your house sucking up crap. When the day comes that we have walking, talking, thinking robots wandering around the house cooking meals and wiping our asses for us, it’s going to take all of 2 minutes for someone to decide “Hey robot, I wanna fuck you.” And then it’s all downhill from there. That may sound sick but you damn well know it’s true. About 10 minutes after that we, as a society, have to deal with robot girlfriends, robot spouses and people who want to free the poor robots to run free in their natural habitat, which is probably a scrap yard or some such.

Space Marines

An intergalactic team of ruffnecks seems like a grand way to defend the galaxy against alien invaders. Send in the grunts to storm some silicon beaches on a Krypton atmosphere planet full of filthy bug men who need a dose of human ass kicking so they stop laying their eggs in our celebrities’ brains. The problem with that is what we can witness in the here and now any time troops from pretty much any country need to be deployed overseas. Things gets out of hand. Troops starts doing crazy shit like stacking POW’s on top of each other and fisting them on camera, someone forgets to send ammo or gear that can withstand a beating from a broomstick, Sgt. Pepper gets a letter from his wife saying she’s banging the neighbor and the Fightin’ Aces get lost in the desert for 3 weeks and have to drink their own piss to stay alive. Does anyone really want to do that 6 light years from home?

Floating Cities

Lando Calrissian was a pretty bad ass dude, and not just because of all that Colt 45. The man ran a city that just kind of floated in the sky and seemed to be some sort of long time ago, far far away Vegas. Star Trek too had a floating city pop up and even Jonathan Swift had one in Gulliver’s Travels. The idea seems fun and cool at a glance but the potential for something to go horribly awry is pretty much everywhere.

People can’t climb the Empire State Building without wanting to throw off a penny or a used condom. If people lived in a cloud city, they’d be hucking shit out the windows all the time. Pop cans, diapers, used up porn, it’d all be raining on the poor saps below. Worse, as Luke Skywalker showed us, these things are full of holes. Maybe that’s a design flaw, but when your balcony hangs out over a 50,000 foot drop into God knows what, the chance for bad things to happen is astronomical. Some drunk wandering home after a night of debauchery takes a wrong turn in an effort to find a dumpster to piss on and spends his last vertigo-addled moments wondering why it’s so windy all of a sudden.

Death Sports

The future may possibly see the world united under a banner of peace in which conflicts are settled in a more civilized manner than war. Teams from the opposing sides strap on roller skates and try to kill each other while playing what looks suspiciously like Quidditch without brooms. Or maybe they forgo the roller skates and just let Schwarzenegger run free while Richard Dawson macks on some tang in the studio audience. Whatever. Point is, killing people for entertainment seems to be what the future has in store for us.

While this idea likes to believe humans are a blood thirsty lot whose lust can only be sated by the most extreme contests ever for the purpose of cheap thrills, the fact that only 5% of people who possess a full mouthful of their own teeth can be convinced to watch any “sport” that currently takes place on wheels takes some wind from this idea’s sails. That, and a big part of sport is playability and merchandising. Your sport is going nowhere if dad takes the kids out to the rink to play a round and ends up decapitated. And if you can’t have a star player due to remarkable mortality rates, who the hell is going to sell your shoes? Who’s endorsing the Gatorade? Who’s being fined for using league resources to film amateur porn?

Brain Implants

Terrible movies like Johnny Mnemonic remind us that, in the future, we’re all supposed to be cyborgs in vinyl trenchcoats. Chips will be implanted everywhere, but what could be better than the brain chip? A little implant to let us jack right into a computer would probably be convenient for the first week as we surf porno at dinner without anyone even knowing or order awesome tube socks from eBay while we’re stuck in traffic just by thinking it.

On the other hand, once you actually connect to a computer, you’re going to have to spend an awful lot of time trying to get rid of the pain in and the ass spyware someone put in your head. Brain spyware that lets companies know when you’re shitting and masturbating is way more intrusive than your average keylogger, and adware popping up before your eyes trying to sell you Cyber-Viagra or refinance your mortgage as you’re trying to sleep or, again, masturbate, would most likely drive a few people to violence. And while Norton and McAfee do their best to stem the tide of viruses, the first computer-brain virus that causes someone to crumple to the floor and start having bladder-voiding fits whenever they try to remember something from their childhood would probably stop the industry in its tracks.

Time Travel

The idea of going back in time to hunt a dinosaur or going forward in time to hunt your own great grandchildren has been a staple of sci fi for ages. H.G. Wells wrote The Time Machine in the 1800’s and don’t think for a second he didn’t consider how awesome it’d be to take a book of matches back into the caveman days to awe them all, become a living God and defiling their women.

All time travel stories warn us that if we go back and mess around we’ll destroy the space/time continuum. Pee in one Victorian era haberdasher’s soup bowl and you may negate the founding of the United States. That’s exactly why Marty McFly didn’t bang his mom. But by the same token, if it ever became a viable form of technology, not even the government could close Pandora’s box and stop some dude from making one in his garage and figuring it couldn’t hurt too badly to go back to ancient Egypt with a laser pointer, a shotgun and a Casio keyboard to loot every single ounce of gold in the place. Then, before you know it, all of us are living under the rule of the Kingdom of France, TV was never invented and everyone eats food in suppository form. Even Doc Brown couldn’t fix that mess.

10 Science Fiction Concepts Ruined by Human Nature

The future is a bright, shiny penny of possibilities and if science fiction is to be believed, technological wonders and convenience will be waiting around every corner, not to mention hot aliens and robots to clean up all our messes. It’ll be the lazy deviant’s paradise. But alas, sci fi is such a dreamer it never brings its head out of the clouds long enough to ponder some of the myriad ways mankind, as a whole, can screw up all the wonders that await us. So let’s do that.

Flying Cars

Never mind the logistical issues with this idea, things like fuel and propulsion or the infrastructure necessary to make sky roads. The problem with flying cars comes down to a simple issue that can be expressed as a mathematical equation thusly:

Where X = flying cars, Y = morons behind the wheel, Z = all the future casualties below and $#!t = shit, as in the horrible shitstorm waiting to literally fall on mankind. People can barely manage driving in 2 dimensions, a 3rd one is like giving chimps sling blades and sending them into public schools. People talk on the phone, they eat, they get road head and they run into trees. Add in the terminal velocity that will be included when those same idiots get airborne and suck a pigeon into an exhaust fan and we have a problem. Then toss in everyone who runs out of gas or decided not to worry about getting the carburetor fixed and flying cars basically become steel wrapped meat bombs raining down like a monsoon.

Replicators

Star Trek, perhaps through lazy writing, popularized the idea of a machine that could just make whatever shit you wanted simply by requesting it. Rarely, if ever, was this idea exploited as it so obviously would be in real life, because in the Star Trek universe, humans have no actual human traits like greed or laziness. Other species do and why it’s never mentioned why the greedy races just don’t use replicators to get what they want is anyone’s guess. Regardless, back here on Earth, you can bet your ass that we’d all pretty much never leave the house again if these things existed. Free Cheetos, free tang, free wet naps and flavored lubricants. Why do anything? Need money to pay your bills? Replicate your ass some gold, devalue the dollar, destroy the economy totally and watch the world fall into chaos because someone invented the genie machine.

Alien Relationships

If there’s one thing humankind is known for it’s tolerance. Except for how the exact opposite is true. A sure fire way to get a bug in someone’s ass, other than with a speculum and generous amounts of lubricant is to present to them something they find unnatural. While Star Trek would have us believe Captain Kirk was getting his dick wet in anything that looked like it had a free hole across the universe, the truth is he’d be ostracized from the word go and would most likely have to warn people if he moved into their neighborhoods. There are portions of the world still uncomfortable with interracial couples, let alone interspecies couples. Maybe in time banging your Venusian girlfriend will be as cool as breastfeeding in public but at first, let’s be reasonable, you’d be giving everyone the creeps. Should the day ever come when we make contact with another species and you get friendly, make sure you drive him, her or it out to a secluded spot to see if it has any friendly orifices.

Living on Mars

Humans colonizing space is a popular idea. After all we already spread like herpes across the Earth, surely space is next. The problem with this idea, however, is inherent human laziness. Have you ever gone to visit the inlaws? Grandma? Your lazy-eyed cousin who finally got his own place that stinks of cured meats? The only thing worse than being there is going there. Who the fuck wants to commute to Mars? Despite all the kick ass futuristic shit that’d be there at first, as soon as everyone realized that Mars is the galactic equivalent of a highway rest stop, only the most desperately pathetic people would ever want to spend time there. Emo kids needing solitude and pretentious artsy types who want someplace to think. Mars would become a community college campus in no time.

And even if you are one of those types, what the hell is the point? You going to go on vacation later? Not on Mars, the whole planet may as well be North Dakota. Nope, you’re getting your ass back on a flight to Earth. A flight that’s going to take the better part of a year. Better bring lots of porn.

Robot Servants

Sci Fi has assured us that we will have robot servants one day and that they will hate the shit out of us and kill us to a greater or lesser degree, depending on which film or book you choose to believe. That, in and of itself, is obviously a concern. But that’s not the only problem with artificially intelligent day labor. The real problem is people. People have already shown an unnatural attachment to their Roomba vacuums, those little robot vacuums that putter around your house sucking up crap. When the day comes that we have walking, talking, thinking robots wandering around the house cooking meals and wiping our asses for us, it’s going to take all of 2 minutes for someone to decide “Hey robot, I wanna fuck you.” And then it’s all downhill from there. That may sound sick but you damn well know it’s true. About 10 minutes after that we, as a society, have to deal with robot girlfriends, robot spouses and people who want to free the poor robots to run free in their natural habitat, which is probably a scrap yard or some such.

Space Marines

An intergalactic team of ruffnecks seems like a grand way to defend the galaxy against alien invaders. Send in the grunts to storm some silicon beaches on a Krypton atmosphere planet full of filthy bug men who need a dose of human ass kicking so they stop laying their eggs in our celebrities’ brains. The problem with that is what we can witness in the here and now any time troops from pretty much any country need to be deployed overseas. Things gets out of hand. Troops starts doing crazy shit like stacking POW’s on top of each other and fisting them on camera, someone forgets to send ammo or gear that can withstand a beating from a broomstick, Sgt. Pepper gets a letter from his wife saying she’s banging the neighbor and the Fightin’ Aces get lost in the desert for 3 weeks and have to drink their own piss to stay alive. Does anyone really want to do that 6 light years from home?

Floating Cities

Lando Calrissian was a pretty bad ass dude, and not just because of all that Colt 45. The man ran a city that just kind of floated in the sky and seemed to be some sort of long time ago, far far away Vegas. Star Trek too had a floating city pop up and even Jonathan Swift had one in Gulliver’s Travels. The idea seems fun and cool at a glance but the potential for something to go horribly awry is pretty much everywhere.

People can’t climb the Empire State Building without wanting to throw off a penny or a used condom. If people lived in a cloud city, they’d be hucking shit out the windows all the time. Pop cans, diapers, used up porn, it’d all be raining on the poor saps below. Worse, as Luke Skywalker showed us, these things are full of holes. Maybe that’s a design flaw, but when your balcony hangs out over a 50,000 foot drop into God knows what, the chance for bad things to happen is astronomical. Some drunk wandering home after a night of debauchery takes a wrong turn in an effort to find a dumpster to piss on and spends his last vertigo-addled moments wondering why it’s so windy all of a sudden.

Death Sports

The future may possibly see the world united under a banner of peace in which conflicts are settled in a more civilized manner than war. Teams from the opposing sides strap on roller skates and try to kill each other while playing what looks suspiciously like Quidditch without brooms. Or maybe they forgo the roller skates and just let Schwarzenegger run free while Richard Dawson macks on some tang in the studio audience. Whatever. Point is, killing people for entertainment seems to be what the future has in store for us.

While this idea likes to believe humans are a blood thirsty lot whose lust can only be sated by the most extreme contests ever for the purpose of cheap thrills, the fact that only 5% of people who possess a full mouthful of their own teeth can be convinced to watch any “sport” that currently takes place on wheels takes some wind from this idea’s sails. That, and a big part of sport is playability and merchandising. Your sport is going nowhere if dad takes the kids out to the rink to play a round and ends up decapitated. And if you can’t have a star player due to remarkable mortality rates, who the hell is going to sell your shoes? Who’s endorsing the Gatorade? Who’s being fined for using league resources to film amateur porn?

Brain Implants

Terrible movies like Johnny Mnemonic remind us that, in the future, we’re all supposed to be cyborgs in vinyl trenchcoats. Chips will be implanted everywhere, but what could be better than the brain chip? A little implant to let us jack right into a computer would probably be convenient for the first week as we surf porno at dinner without anyone even knowing or order awesome tube socks from eBay while we’re stuck in traffic just by thinking it.

On the other hand, once you actually connect to a computer, you’re going to have to spend an awful lot of time trying to get rid of the pain in and the ass spyware someone put in your head. Brain spyware that lets companies know when you’re shitting and masturbating is way more intrusive than your average keylogger, and adware popping up before your eyes trying to sell you Cyber-Viagra or refinance your mortgage as you’re trying to sleep or, again, masturbate, would most likely drive a few people to violence. And while Norton and McAfee do their best to stem the tide of viruses, the first computer-brain virus that causes someone to crumple to the floor and start having bladder-voiding fits whenever they try to remember something from their childhood would probably stop the industry in its tracks.

Time Travel

The idea of going back in time to hunt a dinosaur or going forward in time to hunt your own great grandchildren has been a staple of sci fi for ages. H.G. Wells wrote The Time Machine in the 1800’s and don’t think for a second he didn’t consider how awesome it’d be to take a book of matches back into the caveman days to awe them all, become a living God and defiling their women.

All time travel stories warn us that if we go back and mess around we’ll destroy the space/time continuum. Pee in one Victorian era haberdasher’s soup bowl and you may negate the founding of the United States. That’s exactly why Marty McFly didn’t bang his mom. But by the same token, if it ever became a viable form of technology, not even the government could close Pandora’s box and stop some dude from making one in his garage and figuring it couldn’t hurt too badly to go back to ancient Egypt with a laser pointer, a shotgun and a Casio keyboard to loot every single ounce of gold in the place. Then, before you know it, all of us are living under the rule of the Kingdom of France, TV was never invented and everyone eats food in suppository form. Even Doc Brown couldn’t fix that mess.